Kyle K’s Story
- Echoes, Silence, Patience, & Grace –
Four words could not sum up the past better than those four in which my story is aptly titled. Ironically, it is also as some of you may or may not know the title of a Foo Fighters album in which every single song reflects every thought stage and emotion I endured during the demise of the emotional war I called a relationship. At any rate I met my ex in High School. I should have known from the beginning it would never work. However, somehow we made it work for a decade. We were the couple that friends looked up to; the ones that would never fall out. They weren’t ever exposed to the chaos behind closed doors or else they might have thought differently.
I will the very first to say I was far from perfect. I did a lot of things wrong. A LOT of things, especially in the end. However, before things took a wicked nose dive into the depths of hell, I did a lot of things right. Random gestures of how I felt for her, flowers just because, notes in the a.m. I mean I didn’t ever waste an opportunity to let her know how I felt. However, my ex is a control freak. Obsessive Compulsive, and a downright rageaholic. Sexual abuse at an early age planted all of these seeds and for the most part her inability to deal with her past constructively nor her ability to communicate the extensiveness of her abuse to me is what ripped us apart.
There was a time where I would cook for her, but she couldn’t stand that I made a mess. I cleaned it up afterwards as opposed to her method of cleaning as she went. Here I am cooking for the woman and she’s literally screaming at me for making a mess…. fuck it cook dinner yourself then.
I used to fold laundry. I didn’t fold the towels the “right” way so she would flip her shit and ruin an entire day over it. Fuck it…. fold em yourself.
She wanted me to be home more, but went nuclear when money was tight….which was the entire 10 years. She wanted me to make a better life for us, then called me a horrible father for busting my ass late nights in school. So here I am working 55 hours a week 6 days a week in an un-airconditioned truck in the middle of the summer killing myself applying fertilizer to peoples lawns while going to school nights til 11 p.m. trying to do homework to stay on the deans list and on top of that find time to be a dad and sleep…. I didn’t get much sleep.
Every second I saw the woman, it was nothing but anger. I tried to tell her not to worry about the things we can’t fix right now. If a bill was late, we’ll pay it next week. She was so consumed with controlling her surroundings and resenting me for things beyond my control that I slowly drifted further away from her.
I couldn’t stand to be around her. Everything imaginable that went wrong she found a way to make me the fall guy. It was all MY fault. It didn’t matter how hard I was working, or what I did to try to give her the life she thought she wanted I was always a failure in her eyes. The last 2 years of our relationship I think she told me I was a fat piece of shit, good for nothing, waste of space, retard on a daily basis.
I knew I was none of those things but after hearing it for years on end subconsciously I believed it. In all of this I never strayed. Never sought someone else, was always faithful, and she re-paid me by fucking some trust fund baby who happened to be a patient at her work.
She tried to hide her cheating ways, however, it’s hard to hide the fact you’re a cheater when you make out with some random guy in front of people who all know me. Even her friends saw her getting a cab w/ this guy said “don’t do it” She looked at them and said “I know what I’m doing”, and went home to fuck some other guy. Once I caught her in her lies, I had the wonderful enjoyment of reading the text message logs between her and this guy. She told him that I was an awful husband, father and went as far as to say that I beat the shit out of her.
I never fucking laid a hand on her, nor would I hit a woman ever. She told my family, her family and all of our friends I was already cheating, that I was crazy and deserved everything I got. She was manipulative enough to turn every last person in my life against me, right down to my own fucking mother. I spent so much energy trying to convince people I wasn’t crazy that I in fact lost it for about a week. She drug me through the mud for weeks, even had the balls to lie and go out to broadripple while I was working nights the weekend after I found out she cheated. That was my turning point. I was done and new I didn’t deserve this shit. I came home at 4am to see her drunk ass passed out in bed. I flipped the lights on ripped the covers off her, and as she rolled over I said, “Get the fuck out of my bed.” The next day I moved out as not to displace my son. A month later she realized I was done, and began to beg for me back. I rejected every attempt plea and admission of lies to try to win me back, which once again she took that pain and turned it into rage to make my life hell. Wiped out accounts, even took it to the extreme of accusing me of molesting my own child in which she since has admitted it was a bold faced lie to exact pain and suffering in my life. She refused to let me see my son you name it she did it.
She is now engaged to a man I once considered a friend. I’ve forgiven her for all that she’s done, and I wish her the happiness that I have found within myself. Through all of this I learned what real friends are, & I’ve learned what it means to be a real man. I have more confidence than I have ever had in my entire life, and I’m happy just being single and being me. I’ve met some amazingly awesome people in a very short amount of time, and I’m happy to have everyone of them as friends. all in all it’s really nice to feel the sunshine on my face again.
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Sammay sam i is 